Trip Report for Knobles
May 26th
Crowds/Weather: Semi crowded with class trips-Hot/Thunderstorms

Dave P. and Anabelle met us at Knoebels which was rather groovy of them. Annabelle was not that crazy about amusement park rides which made Knoebels kind of perfect as it’s not stocked with thrill ‘em/kill ‘em kinda rides and is more a laid back experience. We were dirty and hairy from camping the night before.

Clarisse: 4.3 out of 5
Cla: I really really like this park. It has a lot of olde style charm with trees all about. It’s the antithesis to 6 flags. On the day we were there, we got pay one price stamps, but its usually tickets per ride. Tickets generally make going on attractions expensive, but its fun to rip them off. They’re like play money.

This park is beautiful. It seems carved out of the forest with wood chips

Park Rating
Mike: 4.5 out of 5
Comments: With 2 wood coasters I rate a 5 and a fantastic park atmosphere, I’ll try to reach Knoebels once or twice a year. If you haven’t been to Knoebels I have 1 word for you concerning this classic park away from any city or expressway and seemingly from another time: go.

Haunted Mansion

Mike: 3.25 out of 5
Comments: Like many other rides at Knoebels, this attraction is overrated by enthuisiasts. However, it’s still very good. It’s an original, funny, old-fashioned feeling haunted house.

Clarisse: 4.123 out of 5
Comments: It’s pitch black in here! I was genuinely scared in here. The coolest part (though not the scariest) is the room of dancing skulls.

Flyers

Mike: 4.75 out of 5
Comments: These things are so much fun they should be illegal.

Clarisse: 3.5 out of 5
Comments: I LOVE this flat ride! It’s basically a 1 to 2 seater plane, suspended by 2 sets of cables, with a movable sail (rudder). The planes are swung around the centerpiece on the cables. The feature that sends this flat above most others is the element of self-control. Moving the rudder sails the plane up and down. If you move the sail just right (I’m not saying how, figure it out yourself) it creates slack in the cable, that snaps the plane back with gravity and centrifugal force. Flyers are very simple fun and effective ride for all ages.

Paradrop

Clarisse: 1.1 out of 5
Comments: I went on this ride as a goof. It’s a waste of space. Ok, I can think of 2 good uses for it, one is your kid’s first ride alone. Another is a wild fantasy, but you could bring grandma (buy her a pay one price band, its 70 cents a ride) and instead of parking her on a bench, put her on this ride. She can even knit on it!

Log Flume

Mike: 2.25 out of 5
Comments: The woods setting helps here, but it’s still a boring log flume.

Clarisse: 2.5 out of 5
Comments: It’s a typical log flume. There are 2 drop splash hills (aka wet fun moments). There is also a tunnel that adds to the mediocre excitement. Log flumes are fun when it’s hot out.

Phoenix

Mike: 5 out of 5

Clarisse: 4.9 out of 5
Comments: This ride rocks! It’s the holy grail of the park. The best seat for this ride is in the first car, third seat. You get insane airtime in that seat. This ride has good airtime regardless of the seat. The Phoenix has no seat belts holding you in under the lap bar and the airtime is so insane that I was consistently thrown upward and forward which slammed the lap bar in my belly. Of course I could have reduced that by riding with my hands down and feet on the floor, but why would anyone want to ride it like that? We rode this ride about 5 times a row in a thunderstorm until they closed it and when they reopened it 10 minutes later we got on it again! Rain hurts on a rollercoaster! It also makes the seat slippery, which made me slide forward even more.

Carousel

Mike: 2 out of 5

Clarisse: 2.1 out of 5
Comments: This carousel was one of the ones where you reach out to grab the rings and if you get a brass ring you get a free ride (which was irrelevant in our case ‘cause we had Pay One Price stamps). There were too many kids for me to get an outside horsie so I couldn’t reach for the rings (pout). Another disappointing aspect was that none of the outside horsies went up and down; in my opinion, there’s no reason to ride a horse like that.
The carousel didn’t go that fast and the horses didn’t go that high. It’s really pretty though, and the horses had hair tails (I appreciate hair tails, but I’m a bit phreeked out buy them, ’cause I have a sneaking suspicion that they are real) The kid in front of me kept taking his horses tail off.

Skooters

Mike: 2 out of 5
Comments: Another overrated ride by enthusiasts. Tim O’Brien is wrong. These are hardly the best bumper cars in America.

Clarisse: 2.4 out of 5
Comments: The cars are really clunky, heavy and hard to steer. The heavy part is kinda good in that you can get some good hits if you’re going fast, however the weight detracts from the acceleration. The cars all have dents in them, which means that they’ve gotten good hits, and gives them a fair amount of charm. There’s a painted sign outside proclaiming them the greatest bumper cars. They lied.

Twister

Mike: 5 out of 5
Comments: Strangely, here’s a Knoebels ride I found underrated by enthusiasts. Hit the 2nd car for the best ride on this killer twister.

Clarisse: 4.3 out of 5
Comments: The best seat on this coaster is the second car, first seat. There is a surprisingly notable difference in bumpiness between that seat and the seat behind it. The back seat is nice too; when we rode in it, it had just stopped raining so our ride was sick! Or maybe the back is just like that. There is one wicked turn; if the restraints weren’t there you would fly out! On one of our rides something flew out of the train from someone ahead of us.

Bumper Boats

Clarisse: 3 out of 5
Comments: I’m fond of rides that have and element of self-control. You’re in a little round boat that looks like a donut, which you control with a teeny speedboat motor. You don’t really get up that much speed to crash into other people, but you do splash people when you hit them. My summer wardrobe consists mainly of miniskirts, and you have to straddle the motor, people saw my panties. The speedboat motors makes the entire area smell like diesel, putting the ride ops at risk of cancer. The motors also vibrate the seat of the boat, which will make lonely women happy.

Downdraft

Mike: 2.75 out of 5
Comments: A very forceful spin n spew that drops you up and down while placing a fair amount of force on your body. As Cla mentioned, a rider got sick on our ride. We saw the ride op later cleaning up and disinfecting the seat. That part of his job must suck.

Clarisse: N/A out of 5
Comments: This was another vomit machine that gives me great anxiety walking by, and if I have to go on, would really really prefer to go on alone. This was a giant school group day, so there was a long line. I really didn’t want to go on, but Mike did. He had Dave as a ride partner so I was happy to sit this one out. Go instincts! Someone puked in his or her own seat. NASTY pussy should have stayed home.

High Speed Thrill Coaster

Mike: 3 out of 5
Comments: Ok, I thought Craig was a freak for recommending I ride a kiddie coaster but I followed all his advice like I promised and… it’s really a lot of fun! I most enjoyed grabbing the pines above my head and throwing them at Dave.

Clarisse: 3.4 out of 5
Comments: This seemingly pussy coaster, has nice negative and lateral g’s. A cute aspect is that the ride op apparently controls the speed of the lift hill. It was early in the season, so you could still grab at the trees close to the coaster. It’s violent and fun for a kiddy coaster.

Whipper

Mike: 1.75 out of 5

Clarisse: 2.1 out of 5
Comments: There’s nothing special about this whipper. The outside is the better seat, and I enjoyed myself by slamming into mike on the ‘whips’.

Whirlwind

Mike: 2.25 out of 5
Comments: A violent, short, looping coaster that gets extra points for it’s proximity to the surrounding trees but is still to violent and short to be actual fun