Trip Report for Universal Studios
6/15/04
Crowds/Weather: Crowded/Hot

Park Rating
Clarisse: 3.4 out of 5
Clarisse’s Park Comments: I quickly learned that Universal Studios is all about the theming, since there’s really nothing else to the park. There’s no real ride (except for The Mummy) so they at Universal, spend their energy tricking you with their movie like tricks, and even showing you some of them. I’m quite disappointed we never got to go to the Movie Makeup Magic attraction; although I know that while it would have probably wowed me during it, it wouldn’t have taught me much. I was most impressed with the fake New York City section (cause I’m from there). It seemed like we hadn’t seen any pigeons in the park until we got to the New York section, but there were plenty there (was it coincidence or is there an evil pigeon trick?). I was amused to see completely fictitious intersections out of common street names (the big suits were thinking ‘we’ll fool those silly tourists yet!’) It was cool to see alleyways that looked mostly realistic, replete with fire escapes and gated basements (minus the urine smell). There was an open hydrant for kids to play in which does happen on occasion in NYC (kids: in real life, please don’t play in the hydrant, a NYC fireman told me that its not clean water (its not the same as the water from your faucet)). Throngs of people were sitting on a stoop waiting for the Blues Brothers show. Sitting on stoops is common, random shows are not. It was like a very clean stereotyped version of home.

Mike: 2.5 out of 5
Mike’s Park Comments: We were not in the best mood entering Universal Studios. Though Sarasota was fun, it was also stressful, and I entered Universal with a fair amount of stress about the future of the trip. I also had been fighting with Cla.

We entered Hersheypark under similar conditions, and walked out with huge smiles on our faces. Universal Studios did not have the same effect.

Universal’s attractions date very poorly, and most of them are now only effective on small children and the elderly. The only script and acting that was consistently decent was the Shrek attraction, and it was a notable and rare exception.

I can only think of 4 types of people to whom I would recommend Universal Studios:

A) Dark ride enthusiasts
B) Children and or masochists with children
C) People 55 and older
D) People with a sub 100 IQ

The lines at Universal were very well themed, and the park was very well operated and generally well themed. But I don’t care that much about how a park looks or operates if it’s attractions suck.

Universal’s attractions fall short of completely sucking, but they are certainly not meant for me.

T2 3D

Mike: 2.5 out of 5
Comments: Really good 3D is counterbalanced by a truly hideous, painfully embarrassing script and acting.

Clarisse: 2 out of 5
Comments: I’m sorry, but a 3D movie with huge FX AND live stage actors, complete with motorcycles has to be the cheesiest of the cheese. The movie had HUGE effects, along with tactile effects, and they also do that trick where they flood your senses with lots of stuff going on at once in order to confuse you. Its all good, but I need more to impress me. (“More” in this instance means more quality). And hey, its not bad, its just not good, and I’ll go on it again, but only if I’m with someone whose never been on it and wants to go, or with someone whose never been in a 3D movie with tactile effects.

Men In Black

Clarisse: 4 out of 5
Comments: This shootem dark ride was great. I didn’t do that well at it, not only did Mike beat me, but also the other people in my car blew my score away the second time I played. My excuse is that it’s hard to tell which things in the ride are targets and which aren’t. Like I said, this ride is great! I was totally stimulated the entire ride with lots of monsters to shoot at. There’s’ a part of the ride where you can shoot at a car full of riders who are riding along side of you. Shooting them makes them spin out of control (and chances you’re spinning out of control as you try to hit them). They also give you a handy dandy red button that I’m still not quite sure what it does… You’re whipped from side to side and spin about through fog and stuff during the ride indicating that this ride is not for those prone to nausea (pussies!). At the end, Will tells you how the total score of your car rates. My brethren and me were consistently average.

Mike: 2.5 out of 5
Comments: I enjoyed the line for this attraction more then the ride itself, which is good as the line took an hour.

This dark ride shoot-em-up otherwise is about as good or bad as the rest of them, depending on your point of view.

Revenge of the Mummy

Clarisse: 4.5 out of 5
Comments: Universal puts their all into theming, & the mummy really reflects it. This is a multidirectional ride (really it’s a coaster) that moves you along theamed areas that talk to you, and scare you with bugs. Then it becomes a fun dark coaster with lots of turns and fire. I love when they put fire in rides. I think we all have a healthy fear of fire, so it adds an extra thrill when they cover the ceiling with it and you can feel its heat.

Mike: 3.75 out of 5
Comments: This ride currently bans fanny packs. Cla and I were ready to rent a locker until we saw the cluster fuck of people around the locker rental units. Giving up, we took turns entering the ride as single riders.

To me, this is absolutely not a destination attraction. This is not a thrill ride, but rather a family attraction similar to everything else at Universal Studios. While that’s fine for the park, I wouldn’t rec any thrillseeker spend extra money to attend Universal for this attraction. It’s much more in the league of a dark ride then anything really thrilling.

As a dark ride, The Mummy is the best we’ve ridden so far in this first three weeks.

Addendum 1 – It’s now 2 months into the trip as I type this. I rated Haunted Mansion at Disneyland, Spiderman at IOA, and Indy Jones at Dland all higher then the Mummy. So it was the best up until that point but not the best of the trip.

Addendum 2 – We’d later see that day that the lockers are not only free, but use this really cool fingerprint method for identifying you instead of a key. Mucho props to Universal for this really cool bonus for the guests. Would be nice if they could position the terminals better to avoid the clusterfucks that would happen throughout the day, however.

Shrek 4D

Clarisse: 2.7 out of 5
Comments: This was cute. I really liked the movie Shrek so I think I might have been a little disappointed by this attraction. The seats move minimally, but not enough for a seat belt. I wish it warranted one. There are cutesy tactile stimulations along with a cutesy sappy movie. The line was so long, and the hype from Shrek 2 also added to my disappointment after seeing the attraction.

Mike: 2.6 out of 5
Comments: This movie boasts the longest line in the park with the worst line theming. Quite an ironic and suck-ass combination. The TVs on the line give a synopsis of the film I’ve already seen, leading to a kind of good preshow that falters when it… gives us a synopsis of a film we’ve already seen… again. As if we didn’t catch the synopsis in the hour before.

The attraction itself is decent. It’s stronger in plot and characters then as a “4D movie” (what the hell is the fourth dimension anyway? I don’t recall traveling back in time during the attraction, unless you count the repeated synopsis making me at least FEEL Déjà vu). However, the fact that it was an ok enough film to watch placed it a cut above the other things I’ve seen like this.

Earthquake

Clarisse: 2.75 out of 5
Comments: They start out this attraction with a quasi educational speech about different movie effects - like that rain generally doesn’t show up on film that well so they sometimes spike the water with milk (which is quite nasty if you ask me), they do something cool but forgotten for snow and the director of Halloween reused the same fake leaves over and over again due to their low budget. Then they put you in a horrid demonstration of those effects and THEN the ride starts. You’re on a subway train when an earthquake happens - you can imagine the mayhem that happens then! Fire, explosions near collisions and gushes of water assault you! YAY. It was fun during the ride but it was less than memorable and unimpressive after it was over. I’m sure this ride is slightly more fun in California, where there actually is the possibility of an earthquake of that magnitude.

Mike: 2.5 out of 5
Comments: Another ride that is counterbalanced with something really fun on one end, and something really awful on the other. In this case, the 2 preshows the audience is forced to endure are filled with the hokey shit that makes these attractions teeth grinding and unbearable for everyone except your grandmother. However, the “earthquake simulation” is so fucking funny I nearly peed my pants.

So is it intentionally funny? Probably not. But it’s very funny. It’s just wrong that Orlando lost the Alien Encounter/Extraterrorestrial attraction before I could experience it but this piece of shit is somehow still here.

Addendum: As an added bonus of humor, this attraction’s preshow prominently references the popular classic film U-571 (since this is the internet, I’ll mention that was sarcasm). They even make the poor bastard who performs the preshow ask anyone who has seen this “Oscar nominated film” to responses of murmurs of discomfort from an audience wondering what the hell he’s talking about. What Oscar was this forgotten flick nominated for, sound editing? If Universal thought they were going to move a few extra video copies of this snoozer by mentioning it at this attraction… I’m betting they were wrong.

Back to the Future
Cla 2.45
Comments: I saw this a bunch of years ago, the last time I was here. Despite them not changing a thing, it was much better then than now. Maybe that has something to do with expectation. Or that now it’s an attraction based on a movie that I couldn’t care less about. It’s a huge movie screen with a cheesy plot, and the riders sit in moving Delorians that move in sync with the movie. If you look to the side, you’ll see all the other Delorians moving in sync with you. I cant say its bad, but it would be better if you have seen the movie recently, and I’ll bet that only 1 out of 100 have because they saw the late night special on TBS. Little kids should have fun on it. But don’t get your hopes up.

Mike: 1.5 out of 5
Comments: Finally, some consistency. This ride offers a crappy preshow and then concludes with a crappy ride. The guy who plays “Biff” in the films shows us why he’s never been hired again. The ride itself is the worst motion simulator yet, with copious amounts of fog spit at us for no reason other then they have it available. If you’re short on time, avoid.